Jonathan Martin is a 312 pound, 6’5” tackler for the Miami Dolphins. And yet he was relentlessly subjected to bullying that included racial slurs, intense verbal abuse, harassment, threats against his life and the safety of family members, and physical abuse. He was even forced to pay $15,000 so his teammates could take a trip to Las Vegas. If all of this isn’t horrible enough, there are new allegations that a larger culture of bullying, using harassment, shaming, and physical intimidation was acceptable and encouraged in the Dolphin’s locker room. The intention was to “toughen up” rookies and put them through a hazing process before they were deemed true members of the team. The fact that Martin finally had the courage to speak up is hugely important. The fact that he felt he couldn’t speak up until now is hugely distressing.
When I think about the emotional pain that Jonathan Martin endured, despite his position and size, it is overwhelming to imagine the pain that kids experience when they are bullied. According to the 2010 national statistics on bullying, every day 160,000 children miss school because they are afraid of being bullied there. 1 in 7 kids has either been bullied or been a victim of bullying. Over 56% of kids report that they have witnessed a peer being bullied in school. With the advent of social media, cyber-bullying is at an all time high. Revenge for being bullied is recognized as one of the primary causes of school shootings. And a new term, “bullycide,” is being used to describe the countless number of teenagers who take their own lives after relentless bullying. In fact, suicide as a result of bullying is up 58%. Bullying can manifest as physical attacks, destroying property or clothing, starting rumors in person or through social media, name calling, verbal abuse and threats, social exclusion, or public humiliation. Part of Jonathan Martin’s experience was intense verbal abuse, which is designed to shame the victim while making the bully look powerful and superior.
The impact of bullying is profound. It leads to feelings of worthlessness, depression, academic decline, social withdrawal and isolation, anxiety and fear, suicidal ideation and actual suicide. There are a number of websites that are designed to educate kids and adults about bullying and suggestions about how to intervene. The truth is, verbal abuse is the most insidious and often difficult to prove, as it leaves no visible mark. Cyber-bullying leaves victims feeling particularly powerless as the perpetrator is often anonymous and rumors reach so many people so quickly. One of the most important things we can do is encourage kids to report these experiences to an authority figure as soon as the bullying starts. Reporting is essential so adult intervention and consequences can be meted out early on. Don’t tell kids to ignore the bullying, it won’t go away. Bullying is a crime and bullies can be punished by the justice system. Since so much of the damage is done through cyber-bullying, I urge parents to monitor what their kids are saying and doing on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other form of social media. Know your kid’s passwords and have access to their pages. Be involved in their “digital lives.” This is often the fastest and best way to know whether or not your child is bullying or being bullied by others. I hope and pray that there are serious consequences for any and all of the perpetrators who verbally, physically, and psychologically tortured Jonathan Martin. If justice is served, it just might give a message to the public at large and kids in particular that bullying is a crime committed by cowards with lasting and devastating consequences for the victim as well as the perpetrators.
The recent passage of Grace’s Law in the state of Maryland gives some legal recourse for children and their families if they are dealing with Cyberbullying. The law was passed and put into law in April, 2013 and has yet to be tested in the court system, but now there is legal process that can hopefully support the cyberbullied youth. As professionals in the helping community, our task is to become familiar with ways to support those being victimized, as well as those who have become the aggressor.
Debbie, thank you for this valuable information. Knowing there is potential recourse when one is cyber-bullied is a beginning way to re-caim a healthy sense of power and control. Seeing justice served, when it is, has a huge reparative and healing effect for victims.
Bullying is one other reason why parents need to encourage an open, trusting, supportive relationship with their children. Being involved in their digital lives is very important, however verbal communication (what’s that?) is key! In this age of technological advances, it is imperative that parents take time to listen and talk to their children and encourage them to do the same. Conversation yields nuance, clues and warning signs that technology will never replace. Parents – listen and talk to your children!
Jean, you are so right! I get very concerned about the increasingly “lost art” of families simply sitting together and talking. It is the single best way to connect and to understand what is really going on cognitively and emotionally for a child or an adolescent. Thank you for the great reminder!
Jean!
It’s a name from your past……Any chance you could email me your contact info? It’s Kristin Laferty 🙂
kmelsy@hotmail.com